Standing in the elevator riding down to the parking garage with my husband, tears began filling my eyes. It’s a girl. The ultrasound showed I was having another girl. I knew I could love another baby just as deeply as I did my first born if it was a boy. But, how could my heart possibly respond so to another girl? I didn’t share these thoughts with anyone during my pregnancy, but pondered them for several weeks.
As time went by and my belly swelled with life, I found myself torn as I began to fall fiercely in love with this little one whose face I had not yet seen. I wondered what she would look like. Would she look like her sister? Would she have dark skin like me? Was it possible she’d have blue eyes like her daddy? My excitement over this new baby was different. It wasn’t the awe and wonder that comes with your first-born. It was the more mature expectation that only comes from walking in familiar steps. I knew what to expect and I was so excited to journey there again.
She didn’t receive the brand new clothes and baby gear her sister received. She would get clothes and gear that had been used. And somehow, I just knew she could handle that. I sensed that she was understanding and not the jealous type; that she was perfectly ok with being the second recipient of everything she’d receive.
She was born one day before her due date. How just like her! And as she entered this world something completely unexpected happened. A chamber of my heart I never knew existed burst wide open and a wellspring of fresh, brand new love came alive. I didn’t have to borrow from the love I gave to my oldest daughter. This new baby would receive a love that only belonged to her; a love I never thought I was capable of.
We named her Leia Michal. I loved the name Leia, but when I looked up the meaning in a Baby Name book, we learned that it was not a pleasant one. It means “weary.” Who wants to name their beautiful little girl “weary?” I tried to like other names with stronger meanings, but in the end, I just could not shake off Leia. So, we decided we would tell people the meaning of her name based off of the spiritual connotation found in a different book: “Beauty and Grace.” And we gave her the middle name Michal, which means “One who is like the Lord.”
Believing wholeheartedly that there is spiritual significance in what you name your child, I wrestled with whether or not her name was a mistake. Then one Sunday morning, the Lord revealed to me the true meaning of the name Leia. We were in a church service in Texas and the pastor’s message was about “High Praise.” He spoke from Genesis chapter 29 about how Leah, the unloved wife of Jacob always hoped to earn her husbands love through the sons she bore him. Finally, she realized that her children were not going to purchase her husband’s love. And verse 35 tells us,
“ She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, ‘This time I will praise the Lord.’ So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.”
Experience had made Leah wise enough to turn to praise in the midst of her seemingly hopeless circumstance. The pastor pointed out that up until that point in Bible history, the people of Israel had only worshipped. This is the first mention of praise and it came from Leah. At this revelation, my spirit leapt inside of me as I remembered a prophecy spoken over my baby when she was still in my womb:
“The baby in your womb will be a praise warrior!”
And she is. My Leia is a praise warrior. She lifts her little hands and dances before the Lord in praise. God, her father, and I will nurture her to know that she will dispel darkness through her praise. I know we’ve only seen the beginning of things to come as she continues to cling to Jesus with adoration, worship, and praise.
She sees angels and hears the voice of God and I am awe-struck at her closeness to my savior; to her savior. My nose sits perfectly in the center of her face, proudly declaring that she is mine. And she takes in her surroundings through her daddy’s eyes. They are evidence that she is the product of love.
Her kisses are sweet and wet and her snuggles are executed in a way that suggest her ownership over her daddy and me. She’s my little comedienne and will in no way relinquish that role in our family.
It’s a wonder that something so perfect and beautiful and heavenly could come from me. I gently outline the entirety of her face with my finger tips and for a brief moment I am sobered by the reality that I am touching eternity. She was formed in my womb by the One who has no beginning and no end, and she has been set apart for works which only her giftings and personality can carry out. I am humbled and tremble with reverence for God that I have been entrusted with the responsibility of training her up in the way she should run.